The feeling of incompletedness
I recently made a new friend called Jonathan Rowe, American, on the ambassadorial scholarship from Rotary Club studying international politics for 1 year in Shanghai. Last night, invited by him, I went to the Rotary Club weekly dinner. Honestly speaking, nothing was very impressive: a bunch of successful business people or entrepreneurs who appear too superior and important to spend their time contributing to the community, thus they donate.
Close to the end, Jonathan made a presentation about who he is with the story of hiking the appalachian trail for 5 months, which shook me! I have always had this slight arrogant feeling that, being a 25 yr old Chinese my life experience is richer than many others. I am also proud of who I am, what I believe and grateful towards what experiences have shaped me. Last night, I had the feeling of incompleteness:
There are always things that we want to do but for many 'practical (or bullshit) reasons', we never really did it. Keyue (one of my good friends in Shanghai) told me over lunch yesterday, she would like to take a 9 month break next year to study spanish fulltime and volunteer in West China. One of the partners from BAIN's Shanghai office is taking 6 month leave to hike in the Himalaya. These are fantastic ideas because we have much to gain through those experiences - follow our heart while our conscience is not taken away yet by our daily routine, be with ourselves, reflect and recharge ourselves, etc.
Another reason to feel incomplete is that though I have been to many countries, both extremely developed and poor, I am unsure that I can be that close to the nature and only be with myself for that much time. I am also extremely curious - how that will shape me?
All in all, I drew some new inspiration from my friends yesterday. I feel really grateful because these people help me to keep searching and enriching the meaning of my life.
Close to the end, Jonathan made a presentation about who he is with the story of hiking the appalachian trail for 5 months, which shook me! I have always had this slight arrogant feeling that, being a 25 yr old Chinese my life experience is richer than many others. I am also proud of who I am, what I believe and grateful towards what experiences have shaped me. Last night, I had the feeling of incompleteness:
There are always things that we want to do but for many 'practical (or bullshit) reasons', we never really did it. Keyue (one of my good friends in Shanghai) told me over lunch yesterday, she would like to take a 9 month break next year to study spanish fulltime and volunteer in West China. One of the partners from BAIN's Shanghai office is taking 6 month leave to hike in the Himalaya. These are fantastic ideas because we have much to gain through those experiences - follow our heart while our conscience is not taken away yet by our daily routine, be with ourselves, reflect and recharge ourselves, etc.
Another reason to feel incomplete is that though I have been to many countries, both extremely developed and poor, I am unsure that I can be that close to the nature and only be with myself for that much time. I am also extremely curious - how that will shape me?
All in all, I drew some new inspiration from my friends yesterday. I feel really grateful because these people help me to keep searching and enriching the meaning of my life.
posted by Jingwei @ 11:55 AM
2 comments
2 Comments:
Hey Jingwei
The 'feeling of incompleteness' is maybe an inadequate way to describe what you feel/felt.
Perhaps, "a constant desire to explore and go beyond your boundaries" would be a better description.
Do not feel ashamed or dismissive of your past experiences. By ANY account, you have lived a wonderful life!
The beauty of it is that most people would settle down and live off the glories of half the experiences you have already had.
The fact that you feel an urge to constantly challenge yourself and plan new adventures is what sets you apart from other ordinary people.
If you get rid of any arrogant feelings in the process, all the better for you!
In summary, dont tag this 'feeling' of yours as a negative thing. It is definitely a positive thing that one as experience-rich as yourself can still see the opportunities to continually expand her horizons!
Now I talked too much. Again.
Hi Jingwei,
It's good to be back here (reading your blog) again. I think that having the awareness is already a step toward "completedness". (But do you really want to be "complete"? Some of the most beautiful things in life is incomplete ;P )
I enjoy reading your posts.
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