Is it Deng Xiaping who created two distinct generations of China

My parents' generation is unique: they were born in the great famine (1950s), had to stop school due to cultural revolution (1966-76), and in early 90s suffered from 'the great lay-off' brought by economic reform. The purpose of their lives is always with other people: firstly they lived for me, then for my grandparents, now for me again.

Here is how my generation (born in 80s) is shaped: being spoied by parents and grandparents as a single kid, given financial support until end of university, (not everyone but) I got enlightening exposure through AIESEC and commenced my international career, now I have a Swedish boyfriend.

My parents couldn't understand my choices since I graduated though they support me whole-heartedly. Partly they want the best for me, partly they don't feel equipped enough to understand AIESEC and my ambitions. Now with an international relationship and my desire for international experiences, I brought more worries and uncomprehensible to them.

On the other side, I am ecouraging my parents to adopt some hobbies: to not focus their attention on me, also to enjoy the next 20-25 years of their life. They are learning a bit of English. And I will take them to travel abroad. Meanwhile, I am also trying to figure out, how I can take care of them when they cannot walk, cook and excercise.

It is almost funny how China has these 2 generations who have very different access towards opportunities thus have drastically different experiences. I don't think I am an extreme or exception. However, I really need to share ideas and support from others who face similar challenges. Maybe I should start a club called 'Bridge the divide of born in 50s and 80s'.

Source of energy

Once again, I was invited to speak, of course by AIESEC, at its alumni event and national conference. I am always energized being with AIESEC - guess now it is my comfort zone. Being involved in another 2 NGOs, I still strongly feel no organization runs like AIESEC which engages and develops its members so much.

Now I am working on GMAT and waiting to be on board. I feel I need to force myself to open the GMAT book to study. I also feel scared of long working hours once I start.

This makes me wonder, I have not been fully charged with energy and inspiration ever since I finished AIESEC back July 2006. What is wrong with me now? Either I am trying to adapt to the world outside of AIESEC? Either I have not found what I am truly passionate about? Or both? Maybe I am overly negative now and should just wait and see once it starts.

On the other hand, I really dream about studying again - maybe MBA, maybe development science. And go into the field of poverty alleviation based on BOP theories. I can feel how much I will be driven by such a mission. And hopefully this long-term plan can well motivate me for my next 2 year's of work life.

The feeling of incompletedness

I recently made a new friend called Jonathan Rowe, American, on the ambassadorial scholarship from Rotary Club studying international politics for 1 year in Shanghai. Last night, invited by him, I went to the Rotary Club weekly dinner. Honestly speaking, nothing was very impressive: a bunch of successful business people or entrepreneurs who appear too superior and important to spend their time contributing to the community, thus they donate.

Close to the end, Jonathan made a presentation about who he is with the story of hiking the appalachian trail for 5 months, which shook me! I have always had this slight arrogant feeling that, being a 25 yr old Chinese my life experience is richer than many others. I am also proud of who I am, what I believe and grateful towards what experiences have shaped me. Last night, I had the feeling of incompleteness:

There are always things that we want to do but for many 'practical (or bullshit) reasons', we never really did it. Keyue (one of my good friends in Shanghai) told me over lunch yesterday, she would like to take a 9 month break next year to study spanish fulltime and volunteer in West China. One of the partners from BAIN's Shanghai office is taking 6 month leave to hike in the Himalaya. These are fantastic ideas because we have much to gain through those experiences - follow our heart while our conscience is not taken away yet by our daily routine, be with ourselves, reflect and recharge ourselves, etc.

Another reason to feel incomplete is that though I have been to many countries, both extremely developed and poor, I am unsure that I can be that close to the nature and only be with myself for that much time. I am also extremely curious - how that will shape me?

All in all, I drew some new inspiration from my friends yesterday. I feel really grateful because these people help me to keep searching and enriching the meaning of my life.

Reverse cultural shock is over?

After visiting 5 cities mostly for the 1st time, I realized that I wouldn't want to live anywhere else other than Shanghai in Mainland China. This is a fresh idea to me despite being born and brought up in this city. I used to be a big fan for Beijing though I have only spent 1 year of my life there. I guess eventually it is all about what adventures I am going through and where my family and friends are.

I realized that I do not feel horrified by the traffic that much nor am I utterly disgusted by political propaganda. I choose to take in from sources that I trust. And I am constantly watching out to avoid being run over. Maybe this is an end of reverse cultural shock though I do not wake up excited by the idea that I live in SH. At least, I am not ruled by the feeling to escape.

Now working on GMAT and going to Malaysia with Aron for Chinese New Year break! Will bring more updates.

Tourist guiding, Aikido class & Swedish dinner

Aron's parents and younger sister were here in Shanghai for Xmas and New Year. So the two of us acted as the host of the city taking them to all kinds of touristy sites: the bund, french concession - our favourite, jing'an temple, people square, the old town & yu garden. We also went to Hang Zhou which is a beautiful garden city built around a huge lake called 'the west lake'. Luckily, we stayed at a youth hostel inside a big garden called 'Zhao Gong Di' which reminded me of the famous slogan for the city - as nice as heaven. =) Food is what you cannot afford to miss visiting China. According to the book 'China Inc.', due to the long-standing dictatorship, people are not taught to think and innovate around social topics, a lot of the energy of innovation was put into food. Each day, we took Aron's family to explore different cousines in Shanghai: Hotpot (in traditional version with coal pots), Uighur food (plus the singing and dancing), barbeque, cantonese dim sum, Thai, Japanese ramen and Korean. Most of all, my mum's fantastic home-cooking dinner which is always followed by ice cream and wisky drinking.

It was not easy to guide a big Swedish family which made Aron and me reflect on the differences between Chinese and Swedish personalities. As much as the Swedes are concensus based, each individual still voices out different opinions and choices. The key is to bring everyone to a sensible common ground. However, the Chinese who dares to voice out his/her opinion will get the decision making power because the rest might be stunned by his/her courage or aggression. Not understanding the difference often puts me in dilemma - what shall I do to make everyone happy?

While taking Aron's family around, I became more realistic to the environment I am living now, compared to how I feel during the first few months. I guess, in a way, living in China is about putting up with crazy drivers, pick-pockets and people trying to cheat you all day long. Not that I out of sudden fall in love with the dark sides, at least I can save some energy to not get upset by them.

Yesterday, I tried out an aikido class by a famous Singapore dojo's branch in Shanghai. People there were nice and warm. 4 of us were new comers. The teacher gave us some special attention which reminded me of the 2 trials I made in Rotterdam. However, I am a bit disappointed because the teacher did not connect the aikido philosophies with leadership development and daily situations - the sensei in Rotterdam often do so which inspired me a lot in continuing. However, the sensei (taiwanese) will be back tomorrow. I'll go and try out once more.

Last night, Aron and I cooked a Swedish dinner for my parents - meatballs with potato mash and lingonberry sauce. The dinner turned out nice though my parents did not like the glögg post dinner. For me, this reminded me a lot of the life and traditions I lived in Stockholm. To get some special ingredients of the dinner, I went to IKEA on Sat afternoon. IKEA itself reminded me how crazy the Swedes are for interior design. Most of all, the food section brought me some sweet memories of Sweden: ginger bread, knäckbröd, glögg, daim chocolate, dill flavoured chips, lingonberry sauce, etc. Though not sure if I'll ever be able to once again live in Stockholm - the most beautiful one I have ever lived so far, I was at least happy that IKEA brings back some good old taste.

The power of Jan 1st

Waking up in the morning of Jan 1st, it seems like any other day. Shanghai is getting more and more international with more and more expats living here. So Christmas and New year celebrations are taken more and more seriously. Our flatmate came home at 8am this morning - seems like the NYE celebration rocked.

However, regardless how much Jan 1st is just a western thing for me, I cannot help to wonder, what if there is not calendar years. How people would have felt back then? Was every day just like every other day? Then we should feel nothing special about today or take every day seriously?

I cannot deny that I feel this is a new start. I feel like making goals and action plans for the new year. I feel charged with energy to be d1sciplined about my plans. Almost feel a bit silly just because on the calendar it marks today as the first day of 2008. My new year resolutions are:

1. Exercise: Aikido classes 1-2 times a week. Walk as much as possible.
2. Better emotion management: read, reflect & write, aikido practices should help.
3. Spend as much time with friends, my parents and Aron as possible: attend 1 gathering with AIESEC interns every week, spend weekends and holidays with Aron and parents.

The fun here is to challenge how disciplined I can be. I'll report on how things go with me! =) Peace out.